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This Choice is My Own

I was having a perfectly peaceful morning after three days away from work. It was a lovely day, filled with potential and opportunity, and I was considering how I might further enjoy it. I decided I would study my emotional climate and gauge where I stood in the moment. This study led me to realize that I was on my fourth day of total peace and, as much as I hated to admit it, I felt somewhat dull. I wondered in that moment… What more might life offer me to make things more exciting?

Within seconds of that thought, I received a phone call from my daughter. As always, I asked for more and the universe answered. My daughter was on the phone to inspire me towards more. So I took my practiced breath and answered her call. It turned out that I was given yet another opportunity to be afraid and worried for her. She was stressed and afraid, and, not surprisingly, I jumped right on board her fear train rather quickly. As I listened I felt frustration and fear, and then helplessness and anger, grow within me.

Great! I sit here now and think, “Way to go Lydia. Way to practice alignment!” Okay… in this moment I will put all judgment aside for myself and my daughter. I’m not going to get lost in one sad story on top of another. What I am going to do is figure out how to not sit in this fearful place for much longer.

So here I am with headphones on, and beautiful meditative music soothing the stress that I have allowed to fill my body. I realize I have to sort through my thoughts and tap into what I profess is my truth. What do I know, I ask myself?

I know I am more than this fear feeling. I am something greater than fear.

I realize that I have been more in many instances and I remain capable of being in a state of joy and peace. I realize that I often feel much more clarity than this. In this moment, as I am writing this experience out, I absolutely know that I will eventually work my way through and out of what feels painful. Feelings always pass.

As I calm and soothe myself, it becomes very clear to me that I asked for growth and I received exactly what I desired. It came in a three minute conversation. I jumped into a fear state. My fear, although familiar, allowed me to desire something better for my daughter and myself. My highest self expanded to that desire and I had to catch up.

That’s all this is, I remind myself. This experience, like so many others, is exactly right. My daughter is clarifying her life and expanding towards her greatest self, and so am I. We are both on our right paths. Our paths are unfolding. I can choose to feel a bit better or a bit worse.

This choice is my own.

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